Barely Contained
by Kassia525
Summary: Harm and Mac have been keeping a secret from all of their coworkers. How long will they hold out?
1. Chapter 1

Spoilers: Very minor ones. I just saw one for "Defending His Honor". ooh, and there's one for "We the People". and which one has the 'meatless meatloaf'? AN: What can I say-inspiration struck, and I had plenty of time after finishing my student teaching. (This is being posted almost a year and a half after it was written-I found it cleaning out folders in My Documents)  
  
******  
  
0607 EST JAG Headquarters Falls Church, Virginia  
  
Mac looked up from her paperwork when she heard her office door open. Pleasantly surprised, she put down her work.  
  
"You must have been running at mach speed this morning to get to work so early!" she teased, standing to greet her partner.  
  
"It wasn't the same without a certain jarhead there to slow me down," he teased back, meeting her in front of her desk. "I cut a few corners and decided to come in early so I could see you for a few moments before anyone else got here. After all, I didn't get my morning kiss," he hinted, reaching out to push a strand of hair out of her face.  
  
"Harm, we're in the office!" she protested feebly, trying to maintain her Marine decorum while his hand caressed her cheek. "And I've got a lot of work to get done this morning before the actual work day starts!"  
  
"No one's here to see us," he moved his hands to her waist and gently pulled her to him. Glancing at the desk, he raised his eyebrows and suggested, "I know of one way we could clear your desk rather quickly."  
  
He watched her eyes widen at the innuendo. Then she smiled and decided to play along. "What sort of proposal is that supposed to be, sailor?"  
  
"It's a good one, I think." He pushed her back against the edge of the desk and whispered in her ear, "No one would know, and I could help you pick up afterwards."  
  
The whole exchange had gone from playful to heavy in a matter of moments, and she suddenly wasn't sure if he was teasing any more. Her immediate reaction was to push him away. "Harm. No."  
  
He backed off immediately, loosening his grip so she could get the distance he knew she needed at that moment. After he'd given her a minute to compose herself, he quietly apologized, "I'm sorry, Mac. I only wanted to make a point that a little kiss wasn't such a big deal. I. I guess I got a little carried away. I'm sorry."  
  
Her expression softened because she knew his apology was sincere. "You don't deserve a kiss," she watched his face go from contrite to heartbroken before she continued, "but the truth is that I missed you this morning, too."  
  
Taking that as an invitation, Harm happily gathered her back in his arms.  
  
"Better make it snappy, Commander, 'cause I got a lot of work to do," she smiled as he leaned down to kiss her. After they parted, she turned to walk back to her desk, but he caught her and pulled her back to him, her back against his chest.  
  
"I really don't have time this morning." she said, but he could tell that her heart wasn't really into her protest. He couldn't see her face, but she had closed her eyes and was enjoying the security she felt with his arms wrapped around her.  
  
"Mac," he started quietly, not sure if this was the right time to bring up the subject he'd been thinking about all week, "I know we both agreed that we shouldn't try to move too fast, and sleeping together would make it harder to keep this a secret. but when are we going to take our relationship to the next step?"  
  
He felt her sigh before he heard her soft reply, "What do you want me to say, Harm? Do you want me to give you a specific date? A general time frame?"  
  
He pulled her closer to him and felt her arms wrap themselves over his. "I want you to tell me how you feel about this. I'm not trying to pressure you. I just want to know when you feel we will both be ready to move on to other. ah, aspects of this relationship. unless you don't think we'll ever get to that point."  
  
"Harm," she quietly cut him off as she heard him start to falter at the end of his last statement, "We've both been through some relationships that didn't end well. I don't want to lose what we have been building between us." It was her turn to falter as she said, "I. I think that we should wait until we know that this is permanent."  
  
He was silent for a moment, which gave Mac enough time to begin fretting that she had pushed too hard. A split second later, she froze as she heard quiet words whispered from behind her, words she thought she'd never hear spoken to her by Harmon Rabb, Jr.: "Marry me."  
  
After her initial shock, her thoughts began tumbling through her head at a million miles a minute, trying to discern whether he was seriously proposing or just joking around with her. In the span of second, her mind convinced her that this couldn't possibly be happening.  
  
"I would, sailor," she said as she released herself from his hold. "But you see," she turned to him, leaning against the edge of her desk, "I've got all this work to do, so I couldn't possibly fit that into my schedule today."  
  
He looked taken aback for a moment as he caught onto the fact that she wasn't taking this seriously. And as he registered that fact, Mac saw the confusion in his eyes, and she realized that she had read him wrong. Recovering first, Harm went along with it, "Well, I guess I'll just have to try again later." He flashed a brief smile before making a quick retreat through the office door.  
  
Mac moaned as she sagged against the wall of her office. "What have I done?" she asked no one in particular. Of course, no one answered. Ten minutes later, she still didn't have an answer, but she was seated back at her desk, trying to force herself to finish the work she needed to get done. Despite her need to focus on the papers in front of her, she couldn't get herself to do it. She couldn't stop mentally berating herself for her ill-chosen comment.  
  
"You don't seem to be getting anything done."  
  
She looked up to see Harm standing in the doorway for the second time that morning. He looked very serious, standing there with his hands clasped behind his back, just watching her.  
  
"I. well, I guess my mind's on other things," she stumbled over her words as he walked into her office.  
  
He stood beside her now, towering over her seated form. Slowly, he lowered himself till he was more at her level. She watched as he brought something out from behind his back. Her eyes grew wide as she realized that he was holding a small velvet box. and he was down on one knee.  
  
"You didn't seem to think that I was serious about my proposal," he started, looking up into her eyes, "and I debated whether or not I wanted to convince you that I was serious after seeing your reaction. but I saw you in here, and I knew you were beating yourself up over what you said, so I thought I'd give you a second chance."  
  
He grinned crookedly, eliciting a small smile from her, which in turn gave him the courage to go forward with his proposal. "I hadn't planned on doing this today, but I guess my schedule has a little bit more room than yours does." Her smile widened at his little joke as she realized that he wasn't going to hold her earlier reaction against her for the rest of her life. Carefully opening the green velvet box, he held it in front of her and asked, "Sarah MacKenzie, will you marry me?"  
  
Mac reached out as if to touch the ring. After letting her hand hover over it for what seemed like an eternity, she said softly, "Harm, it's beautiful."  
  
He knew that there was more behind what she was saying just by the tone of her voice. "But.?" he prompted, suddenly afraid that he'd read the signs wrong, moved too fast and jeopardized everything they'd built between them over the past months that they'd been quasi-dating. The only upside he had come up with to combat this fear was that at least no one knew that they were even romantically involved since they had mutually decided that their relationship was best kept a secret.  
  
He broke out of his fear-induced reverie when Mac finally touched the ring, pulling it from the foam bed of the velvety box. His heart stopped for a moment as he watched her slide the shiny golden band onto her left ring finger. She looked up at him and laughed. "Don't look so worried! I was just going to say that rumors about our relationship are really going to start flying if I start flashing this ring around the office."  
  
Harm smiled back, letting out a shaky breath. "So, is that a yes?"  
  
Leaning down till she was nose to nose with him, she said, "I guess I could live with being married to a squid, so yes, I'll marry you, Harmon Rabb."  
  
His reaction was immediate-he was like a sixteen-year-old who had just been handed the keys to the car of his dreams. He whooped for joy as he stood, pulling her up with him and swinging her around in his arms. She laughed delightedly as she held on for dear life.  
  
Coming to a stop, he rested his forehead against hers. "I love you, Sarah MacKenzie. And I already thought about how to hide certain incriminating evidence while we're at the office... That's why I bought this." He pulled a gold chain out from somewhere, and she watched as he slid the ring off of her finger and onto the chain. Turning, she allowed him to fasten the chain around her neck.  
  
Harm dropped his arms to her waist and watched over her shoulder as she absently fingered the chain. After a moment, she dropped the necklace under her collar and turned back to him.  
  
He took her into his arms, whispering in her ear, "Now you can keep my ring close to your heart."  
  
"That is so sappy, sailor!"  
  
Mac looked up at him and smiled. Harm gazed back down at her. "I can't believe this!" they said simultaneously. Incredulously, they stared at each other before they burst out laughing. As their laughter subsided, Mac rested her head against his chest and sighed contentedly as she felt Harm rest his cheek on top of her head.  
  
"We should probably split up before someone arrives for work early and stumbles onto our secret," he murmured into her hair a few minutes later.  
  
"That would probably be a good idea," she replied, not moving from her secure position within his arms. After a few more stationary minutes, she felt his chest vibrate-he was laughing. She smiled, her eyes closed, and spoke again. "We're never going to be able to keep quiet about this, especially since we can't seem to let go of each other now."  
  
"I bet you'll be the one who will let it slip first."  
  
She looked up at him and stated simply, "I'm a Marine, Harm. They couldn't torture it out of me."  
  
"Wanna bet?" he challenged.  
  
"You're on," she stated matter-of-factly. Then she grinned as she thought of a good wager for their bet. "When you slip up, you get to accompany me for a nice, juicy steak."  
  
"Um. don't I do that already?"  
  
"Not when you order a steak, too," she smirked.  
  
"Oh," he drawled, "So that's how it's going to be then. Well, when I win, you're going to be treated to my meatless meatloaf." Mac immediately cringed at the mention of the recipe that she had once referred to as toxic waste. "What, don't think you can do it, Marine?" he taunted when he saw her reaction.  
  
"Of course I can do it. I was just remembering when I actually ate some of your meatless meatloaf. It's a very painful memory."  
  
~  
  
Same day 1825 EST Harm's Apartment North of Union Station  
  
Harm stirred the pot of bow-tie pasta slowly while watching his fiancé perched on a barstool. He smiled as he caught himself referring to her as his fiancé already.  
  
Mac was dressed in jeans and a form-fitting Marine-green shirt, which, in Harm's humble opinion, looked great on her. The chain was around her neck still, but since they were temporarily away from the scrutiny of the rest of the world, the ring was on her finger.  
  
She was mesmerized by the sparkle of the diamond as she moved her hand under the light. She had never felt like this in all those months that she had worn Mic's ring. She thought about all that Harm's ring represented- this time she was sure that this was what she wanted for the rest of her life.  
  
"When did you get it?" Mac asked, referring to the ring she was still admiring.  
  
"The ring? I saw it a few weeks ago when I was getting ideas for your birthday present. I debated whether or not to buy it for a week before I finally went back," he paused in his dinner preparations and watched her move the gold band so that the diamond was perfectly centered on her finger. "I guess I did a good job. I wasn't planning on giving it to you till your birthday, though."  
  
Turning her attention from the ring on her finger to the man in front of her, she walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his torso. "Thank you," she said simply, her cheek resting on his back.  
  
"You're welcome," he replied, covering her clasped fingers with one of his hands while he stirred the pasta with the other. After a pause, he hesitantly asked, "Are you sure we're not moving too fast?"  
  
"Too fast?" she repeated, considering the question. "Harm, we've known each other for what-six, seven years now?"  
  
"But we've only been together for a small fraction of that time, and in secret to boot."  
  
"But we were best friends before that." She watched him add seasonings to the sauce before speaking again. "I think we both know that this relationship was a long time in coming. We have a strong friendship at the base of everything. And most importantly, this feels right to me."  
  
"It feels right to me, too." She could almost hear him smiling. "I guess that's why you're wearing your birthday present a month early-it just felt right."  
  
She let go of him so he could move to the sink and drain the pasta. Returning to her stool, she watched him finish dinner preparations; she had learned quickly that any offer to help would be turned down, so she simply enjoyed the view. He looked so good in jeans with an unbuttoned slate grey shirt thrown on over his white undershirt. Not to mention he was fixing something delicious for her to eat; whoever had decided that 'the way to a man's heart is through his stomach' would have had to change the statement if they had known about Mac's appetite.  
  
"So, Harm. when are we going to start telling people?" she asked.  
  
He looked up from the pan where he was mixing the pasta with a fragrant Alfredo sauce. "I don't know. Why? You want to lose the bet already?" He grinned before turning his attention back to their meal.  
  
"Of course not. I just wouldn't mind sharing that the most wonderful man in the world wants me to be his wife." She saw a smile spread across his face.  
  
"Well," he started to say as he spooned pasta on to two plates and handed them to Mac, "we do need some time to figure out what we're going to do about regulations." He followed her to the table with a salad bowl and a basket of garlic rolls, "How 'bout we see if we can hold out to your birthday. Should a month and a half be enough time to decide everything we need to before going public?"  
  
"I think that sounds good." she allowed him to push in her chair as she sat down, "but what sounds even better right now is eating dinner!"  
  
Harm laughed as he sat down, "You and your stomach. If keeping you happy involves keeping you fed, I think I can do that for the rest of my life. Didn't know it would be so easy to please a jarhead."  
  
~  
  
6 weeks later 2230 EST Mac's Apartment Georgetown  
  
Mac was thinking as she rested her head in Harm's lap and stared up at him from where she was laying on the couch. Harm was absently playing with her hair with one hand while reading through a file that he was holding with the other. She interrupted him by voicing her thoughts. "You know we're going to have to tell the admiral before we announce anything."  
  
Harm chuckled once he caught on to what she was talking about, "Well, I can tell your mind isn't on getting any work done tonight." He pushed the manila file folder off to the side. Tracing the edge of her jaw with a finger, he smiled as he thought about how lucky he was to be able to hold her, even though it still had to be when no one else could see them.  
  
"What are we going to do, Harm?" she asked quietly, looking at the ball- point pen she was absently fingering; her notes were lying long-forgotten on her stomach. "We said we were going to talk about this, and we haven't gotten around to how this is going to affect our careers yet. You said you'd look into it, but my birthday is next weekend, and we're supposed to tell all of our friends."  
  
He silenced her with a finger over her lips. He saw that she was visibly getting more worked up about it as more of her fears voiced themselves. "First things first-you're going to calm down, Marine." He felt her relax, so he removed his finger from her lips. "I said I'd look into it, and I have. Admiral Chegwidden is working on it. I actually was going to speak to him first thing in the morning to see if he's come up with anything. He seemed to want to see how far he could stretch the Admiral's privilege to keep both of us around."  
  
"You already told the admiral?"  
  
"Not exactly-he figured it out himself. But it's not that hard when you pose a hypothetical situation like 'two senior attorneys under your chain of command want to pursue a romantic relationship, but they want to know the repercussions to their careers before they make their relationship official.'"  
  
"I guess I should just thank my lucky stars that Singer and her bionic ears weren't anywhere close by for that conversation," Mac chuckled, trying to imagine the hypothetical discussion between Harm and their CO. Both men would have known exactly what Harm was talking about, but because of pride and regulations, neither would have come out and said it.  
  
"If she had, I'm sure that we would both be facing fraternization charges while Singer added two more marks to her tally sheet of the people she'd crushed on her march to the top," Harm said sarcastically.  
  
Mac rolled off the couch and made herself comfortable sitting on the floor. Her notes had scattered across the carpet, but she could care less at the moment. She planted her elbows on the couch cushions and propped her chin on her clasped hands. "Well, we're not facing charges for fraternization, and we only have a week more to keep this under wraps." Smiling enigmatically, she looked up at Harm, ".and if what you told me is true, the admiral is on our side, so we don't have a thing to worry about."  
  
"Except this case that we have to be ready to present in court tomorrow morning," Harm said lightly, not wanting to completely destroy Mac's optimistic mood. Standing, he extended his arm to help her up. As soon as she was on her feet, they automatically gravitated into each other's arms. "I hate to kick you out, but it's getting late. I don't want you to be too tired to drive home. And it's not like you were getting any work done here anyway."  
  
She let him kiss her lightly on the lips before she agreed that he was right. Harm helped her collect her notes and the files she wanted to look over at home. Slipping on a pair of shoes, he opened the door for her and walked her to her car.  
  
After unlocking her car, she allowed him to hold the door open for her. "Night, flyboy," she said after sliding into the driver's seat. "I love you."  
  
"Love you, too," he replied. "Drive safely. I'll see you in the morning." He saw her flash a small smile as he closed the car door. He waved as she pulled away, and then watched her taillights disappear before turning back to his building.  
  
~  
  
1 week later 1315 EST Harm's Apartment North of Union Station  
  
"Happy Birthday, ma'am!" Harriet smiled as she walked up to Mac.  
  
"Thank you, Harriet. And we're not at work. Call me Mac."  
  
"Sorry. Force of habit." After a brief pause while both women watched the other guests interact, Harriet spoke again. "It was nice of Commander Rabb to do all this for you."  
  
Mac raised her eyebrows. "You didn't help plan this?"  
  
"I helped him chose what to serve, but otherwise, he was on his own. He seemed determined to do this by himself, so I just told him if he needed any more help to give me a call."  
  
"You think you know a person, and then they do something that completely surprises you," Mac mused as she looked around Harm's decorated apartment in a new light. Streamers and balloons were all in the same two colors: forest green, and a deep burgundy that complemented it perfectly. The guests were in small groups, talking and laughing over sparkling burgundy punch and hors d'oeuvres. He really had done a good job pulling together an informal gathering of their friends.  
  
Mac was distracted from her contemplation by a movement beside her. Harriet head reached out for the necklace that had somehow worked itself out from underneath the collar of Mac's blouse. "Ma'am, your necklace." Before Mac could think to politely refuse the help, Harriet had successfully 'rescued' the chain and was holding a certain ring between her fingers.  
  
"Ma'am?" she asked with a look of patented Roberts' naïveté.  
  
Mac quickly tucked the ring back under her blouse. "It was a gift from someone special," was all she said by way of explanation, hoping that Harriet didn't figure it out and tell everyone at the party before her and Harm finally made their announcement. Out of all their co-workers, Harriet had been the hardest to deceive.  
  
Harriet was about to ask who the 'someone special' was when Harm fortuitously chose that moment to join them.  
  
He handed Mac a glass of punch and smiled at Harriet. "Where's little AJ?" he asked, trying to stay a discreet distance from his fiancé without making it obvious that he was trying to maintain his distance. He was so glad they were finally going to make their engagement official tonight; it was getting harder and harder to keep everything strictly professional with Mac when in the presence of others-which was most of the time.  
  
"I got a baby-sitter. I didn't want you to have to set all of this up and toddler-proof, too! AJ is just getting into everything now!" she babbled, seeming to forget all about the necklace while talking about her son; Mac breathed a mental sigh of relief at the reprieve.  
  
"You didn't have to do that, Harriet, but I guess you're right about this place not being exactly child-proof," Harm conceded. He hazarded a quick glance at Mac to see if she had picked up any of the double meaning that could be read into that statement. She had an oddly bemused look on her face, and she raised her eyebrows questioningly when she caught him looking at her. He just smiled and shrugged.  
  
It was then that Mac remembered that they had an audience for their little exchange, but Harriet was looking past her two superior officers. She looked back at Harm and asked, "You invited Mr. Webb?"  
  
Harm and Mac both turned to see the newest party arrival. Mac repeated Harriet's question.  
  
Harm shrugged. "I didn't think he'd actually show up, but I figured that since he's known us about as long as we've known each other, it wouldn't hurt to invite him."  
  
"Just keep the admiral away from him," Mac said under her breath as their trench coat-clad compatriot walked over to them.  
  
"Clay," Harm shook hands with the CIA agent, "I'm so glad you could make it."  
  
"Harm," Webb acknowledged the other man, then turned to the guest of honor. He handed her a small box wrapped in metallic paper. "Happy birthday, Mac. Unfortunately, I can't stay for cake and party games. I thought I would drop by and offer my congratulations, though. or have you not announced your engagement yet?"  
  
"How did you.?" Harm started to ask as Mac looked around to see if Harriet had heard.  
  
"She left as soon as she saw me coming, Mac," Clay said in his borderline- condescending voice. "And as to how I know, Rabb-I have my sources."  
  
Harm and Mac looked at each other, a whole conversation encompassed in a split second of eye contact.  
  
Webb cleared his throat. "As I said, I have to be going. Harm, thank you for inviting me. Mac, enjoy your party."  
  
"Thank you for stopping by," Harm said, "Let me walk you to the door."  
  
Clay held up a hand. "Not necessary. I'll show myself out."  
  
As soon as he was out of earshot, Harm finished his earlier question, "How on earth did he know?"  
  
"He's Webb. He knows everything. Or he thinks he does," Mac replied sardonically. "Let's just leave it at that."  
  
"Did you tell someone?" Harm was suspicious at her casual brush-off of the subject.  
  
"Not on your life, flyboy! I'm not eating your meatless meatloaf if I can possibly avoid it!"  
  
"Then the only people who know are you, me, the admiral, and my grandmother."  
  
"You told someone!" Mac practically squealed, seeing victory in his slip- up. "You lose the bet! Prepare to eat steak, Stick Boy!"  
  
"Keep your voice down unless you want to tell everyone right now!" he hissed at her. "I didn't tell, at least not after we made the bet. I always talk to Gram when I want advice. I called her when I was debating whether or not to buy you the ring."  
  
"Oh," she conceded, figuring it sounded plausible. A moment later, she anxiously asked, "So, when are we going to announce it?"  
  
"Soon," was all he said as he smiled and walked away to talk to some of the other guests.  
  
~  
  
Everyone was laughing and talking as Mac showed off the last gift she'd opened-a cute stuffed dinosaur from little AJ that he'd purchased with a little help from his Uncle Harm. Obviously, Harm had wrapped it for her because it had taken her forever to get through the multiple layers of tissue paper sealed with a few layers of clear packing tape.  
  
"I think that's everything," Harriet told Mac. The young lieutenant had assumed the job of handing Mac the gifts to unwrap. The birthday girl was seated on the couch with a stack of opened presents on one side and Harm (with a giant plastic garbage bag full of crumpled wrapping paper) on the other.  
  
"Thank you, everyone," Mac said, smiling as she looked at all of the happy faces of her friends.  
  
Harm stood up to address the room before anyone could start individual conversations or try to take their leave. "I want to thank you all for coming out here, but before everyone wanders off."  
  
Mac knew she had to have the biggest grin on her face. He was finally going to announce their engagement, or so she though until he got down on one knee in front of her. She was taken aback at the unexpected gesture. Hadn't he already done this? And twice?  
  
"Sarah." he started, taking her hands in his. The room had become deathly quiet as everyone watched the scene unfolding in the center of the room. You could have heard a pin drop when he addressed her by her given name. "I know I asked you this seven and a half long weeks ago, but I wanted to make it official with all of our friends here as witnesses. Will you marry me?"  
  
She smiled beautifully at him as she answered, "I haven't changed my mind yet, so yes, I'll marry you."  
  
Leaning toward her a little, he stage whispered, "May I have the ring back so I can do this properly?" She giggled at the silliness of the entire situation as she reached up and pulled the chain out from under her blouse. Unclasping it, she slid the ring off onto her palm and allowed Harm to take it from her. She heard Harriet gasp as the younger woman realized what she had accidentally stumbled onto earlier that day.  
  
As Harm slid the ring onto his fiancé's finger, Bobbie broke the silence and loudly exclaimed, "It's about damn time!" All of their friends laughed. Mac blushed slightly at all of the attention as Harm finished placing the ring on her finger, then kissed the back of her hand. About two seconds later, Harriet was squealing her congratulations and trying to get another look at the ring.  
  
Harm stood up and backed off so that the rest of the women could swarm to Mac to see her ring. He turned when someone clapped his hand down on his shoulder.  
  
"Congratulations, buddy. I was beginning to wonder if you two would ever figure out what to do with all the chemistry between you," Sturgis said.  
  
"I thought I told you not to get too close, Commander," AJ Chegwidden said from behind him. Both commanders turned to face the stoic admiral.  
  
"I don't remember that being an order, sir," Harm cautiously replied.  
  
"No, I guess it wasn't." AJ broke out into a grin and stuck out his hand. Harm shook hands as the admiral added his congratulations.  
  
"Hey, Harm." Bobbie had pulled away from the cluster of females around Mac. She continued when she saw that she had his attention. "Where did you find that ring? It's gorgeous!"  
  
Harm laughed because he noticed that Bobbie was looking pointedly at Sturgis while she asked the question. Mac was also watching with an amused smile on her face. Her eyes met with Harm's over the heads of their excited friends, and at that moment they both knew that this didn't just feel right, it was right.  
  
******  
  
Written April 22 - May 22, 2002 


	2. Chapter 2

Spoilers: Lawyers, Guns, and Money to a degree... Summary: Harm and Mac realize that it takes two committed people to make a relationship work. Note: Feedback requested that I write another chapter, and this came to mind. This starts a year after Harm and Mac's engagement. Some things stay the same in this alternate timeline (Meredith, Coates transfer, Jimmy Roberts) and some don't (the events of the Paraguay arc).  
  
******  
  
6 May 2003 1725 EST Harm's Apartment North of Union Station  
  
Harm propped his guitar against a chair as he got up to answer the door. "Hey," he greeted his visitor.  
  
"We need to talk," Mac told him without preamble.  
  
"Well, hello to you, too." Harm moved aside to allow her to enter.  
  
"Harm, I'm serious," she said as she moved to one of the barstools in his kitchen and started to slide out of her coat. "But first you have to trust that this is not what it looks like." With that warning, she slipped the coat off and turned around to face him.  
  
His first reaction was shock when he saw the prominent belly she now sported. It took him a few moments to form any words. "Is there something you want to tell me?"  
  
"I told you that it isn't what it looks like," she said quietly. Even though she had mentally prepared herself for the shock factor of showing up on his doorstep in this pregnancy get-up, she had been crushed by the hurt she saw in his eyes.  
  
He knew in his heart that she would never cheat on him, but he also knew that they had a long-standing agreement and that if she was really pregnant, there was no way he could possibly be the father. Approaching his fiancé, he reached out to touch her stomach to confirm that this couldn't be real. When his hand registered that it was just padding beneath her dress, he felt relief wash over him. Any cute comments were dismissed before they could be verbalized because of the seriousness of the situation. "There is a story here somewhere."  
  
She put her left hand over his hand that was still resting on her stomach and looked down at the ring on her finger that tied them together. "Listen, I am going away."  
  
"Where?" he asked suspiciously. All of these random pieces she was throwing at him were giving him a sense of foreboding.  
  
"Can't say," she looked up at him, her eyes begging him to understand.  
  
"For how long?"  
  
"Don't know."  
  
He sucked in his breath as he pulled his hand away from hers. "This has Webb written all over."  
  
She was secretly grateful that he made the connection because she didn't want to have to lie to him about where she was going and with whom she would be staying. "He needed a pregnant wife. I'm his cover story."  
  
"Can't he find his own wife? There's no need for him to shanghai my fiancé." Harm didn't bother to hide his irritation at the spook's interference.  
  
"I know you're not thrilled that I'm going to be parading around as someone else's wife, but think about it," she attempted to reason with him, "We took seven years to start a more-than-platonic relationship. We've been engaged for almost a year now. At the rate we're going, it's going to be a few more years before we make it to the altar. Harriet's even stopped asking if we've set a date yet!"  
  
"So the reason you took this assignment without letting me have any say in it is because you're frustrated with the fact that we're both too busy to put in the time and effort to reach the next phase of our relationship?" He shook his head in disgust, then pointed an accusatory finger at her. "If you're doing this to punish me for dragging my feet, you need to revaluate who has the other half of the blame here. I'm not the only one in this relationship capable of making decisions."  
  
She stood up and grabbed her coat. "I'm not getting into this with you, Harm. I don't have the time."  
  
She was at the door when he called out to her, "Mac, wait." He moved closer to her, but still kept his distance. Quietly he asked, "Is it dangerous?"  
  
"Very," she matched his quiet tone, looking him in the eye. "We leave tonight, but I needed to know that you were okay after everything that's happened lately. As you so eloquently put it, we've both been too busy to spend much time working on 'us' lately." She didn't have to add that getting himself arrested for murder added even more stress on their relationship.  
  
"I don't want you to go, Mac."  
  
"I'm coming back, you know."  
  
"You can't guarantee that," he countered. She quickly looked away, knowing that if she looked him in the eye, she wouldn't be able to leave.  
  
"There are no guarantees in life. Sometimes we just have to take a chance and pray that everything works out for the best." With that last comment, she turned and opened the door.  
  
"Mac."  
  
Hearing the pleading in his tone, Mac turned back. Harm stared at her, wanting to say so much, but incapable of articulating anything more than her name. Unable to say the words she needed to hear in order to convince her not to go, Harm watched as she smiled sadly and closed the door behind her.  
  
~  
  
An hour later Mac's Apartment Georgetown  
  
"What are you doing here?" Mac asked in exasperation when she opened her door to find Harm standing on the other side.  
  
"We need to talk," he parroted her words from her arrival at his apartment earlier that evening.  
  
"We already talked. It didn't do us much good," she said, turning to go back to her room and to her last-minute packing. Clay would be there any minute.  
  
"Mac, please hear me out at least." He followed her into the bedroom. She turned back to glare at him, but he ignored her non-verbal signals to back off. "I thought about what you said about not having any guarantees in life."  
  
"And?" she impatiently prompted.  
  
"I said a little prayer and decided to take a chance," he paused to let the significance of those words sink in. He knew he had her full attention now. "I know we haven't been on the best of terms lately, but no relationship is perfect, and despite how crazy you make me sometimes, I still want you around for the rest of my life."  
  
Walking up to her, Harm put a finger over her mouth before she could reply. "I can't explain how I know this, but if I let you go on this assignment, something terrible is going to happen and I won't ever get you back."  
  
He removed his finger when she smiled. "My psychic powers rubbing off on you?"  
  
"Maybe," he gave her a half-hearted grin as he took her in his arms.  
  
"Harm, I gave my word. I have to go."  
  
His face fell, but he didn't give up. "No, you don't."  
  
Mac sighed and laid her head on his chest. She didn't want to do irreparable damage to their relationship, but she had to convince him that she was honor-bound to do this. "As you said yourself, our relationship is rocky at the moment. How are you going to convince me to stay?"  
  
"Marry me," he answered easily, pulling her chin up with his finger so that he could see her face.  
  
"You've already asked me that," she replied, a little disappointed at his response.  
  
"Tonight." Harm watched her reaction. She hadn't been expecting that, and he could tell by her speechlessness that he'd made quite an impression.  
  
"You're serious," was all she could think to say.  
  
His hand pulled away from its perch under her chin to tenderly caress her cheek. "Despite everything we do and say to hurt each other, either purposely or accidentally, I still love you more than I ever thought I could possibly love anyone, and I want you to be my wife. It seemed to me that you took this assignment as a reaction to everything that's been happening to us rather than staying and trying to work things out."  
  
"Maybe... I... I don't know," she stuttered, trying to process all that was happening. "I don't know what to say..."  
  
"Chaplain Turner is waiting for us. Say you'll come with me."  
  
There was a knock at the door. Both of them knew who was on the other side, and realized that this was the moment of truth.  
  
"Don't leave me, Mac," Harm pleaded one last time.  
  
Her visitor started pounding on the door before shouting, "Sarah? It's Webb. Hurry up. We need to go now if we're going to make our flight."  
  
"Do we really have to get married tonight?" she asked timidly.  
  
Harm grinned, pulling her closer to him. "Only if that's what it takes to keep you here with me."  
  
Neither noticed that the incessant pounding on her door had stopped until Webb entered the room. "Rabb, what are you doing here?" he voiced his annoyance at the delay.  
  
Without leaving the safety of Harm's embrace, Mac turned slightly to face Clay. "Clay, I'm sorry, but I can't go with you."  
  
Even though he had known this was coming the second he saw Harm in the room with her, he had to ask, "What did you say to her, Rabb? I can't finish this op without her!"  
  
In Harm's mind's eye, Mac still had one foot out the door. Opening his mouth for rebuttal might just aggravate the situation and turn it against him. Instead of acknowledging the spook's outburst, he quietly murmured to his fiancé, "It's your decision." His heart was beating wildly, hoping he'd done enough to convince her to stay.  
  
Time seemed to freeze as she looked back at Harm and made her choice. Slowly, she pulled away from him and turned to Clay. Unhooking the diamond necklace he had given her that afternoon, she placed it in his hand. "I'm really sorry. Harm and I have some things to work out, and we can't do that if I go with you. Good luck."  
  
Without further argument, Clay looked back at the woman he had secretly adored since he met her and knew she was truly lost to him this time. Then he turned on his heel and walked out of their lives with the finality of the click of the door closing behind him.  
  
"Where do we go from here?" she asked as she looked back at Harm.  
  
"Well, Chaplain Turner is still waiting on us..."  
  
~  
  
26 November 2003 1725 EST JAG Headquarters Falls Church, Virginia  
  
"Happy Thanksgiving Eve, gorgeous."  
  
Mac looked up at the figure in her doorway and grinned. "Same to you, flyboy. Did your parents get here safely?"  
  
"Yes, and they were settling themselves in my room at the house when I called. Is Chloe's flight still on time?"  
  
"Meredith should be meeting her at the airport any minute. She wants to take Chloe out to dinner, but she'll drop her off at our place later tonight," Mac updated him on the status of the last of their house guests. "You know, it's going to be weird having so many people staying with us after being just you and me for a month."  
  
"It will be even weirder when we get to be roommates rather than just housemates," he said suggestively, walking up to the front of her desk.  
  
She smiled innocently up at him and replied, "Patience is a virtue, you know."  
  
"Then we're going to be pretty virtuous people by the time we finally get married," he laughed. "I'll remember that patience thing when you're in your comfortable bed in the master bedroom and I'm on an air mattress in the storage room tonight."  
  
"Well, you could be sharing that aforementioned bed with your little sister. If you're that desperate for a bed-mate, there's always room on the couch hide-a-bed with your little brother."  
  
"No, thanks," he instantly snorted. "After this weekend, I will definitely have a new appreciation for the term 'full house.'"  
  
"Uh-oh. Harriet alert," Mac said warily, looking past her fiancé at their friend making her way toward the colonel's office. Harm turned to look as well. "She hasn't asked yet today, and I hate lying to her. Maybe we should have gotten married that night so that we wouldn't be plagued by the million dollar question anymore."  
  
"It wouldn't have come up again if we hadn't decided to start house shopping before the wedding," Harm told her teasingly. "Hold on. I think she was just diverted by Coates."  
  
"That's an extra piece of pie for Coates tomorrow night. Do you want to get out of here before Harriet tries to corner us again?" she asked as she quickly organized the items on her desk and slid a few folders into her briefcase.  
  
"What do you think?" he answered with his own rhetorical question.  
  
Mac stood and surveyed her work area one last time before grabbing her briefcase and cover. He looked down at her as she joined him in the doorway. "Are you ready for tomorrow?"  
  
"Ready for it to be here," she flashed him a brilliant smile. "Let's go home."  
  
~  
  
Twenty four hours later Rabb and MacKenzie Residence Dunn Landing, Virginia  
  
"I didn't think I'd be so nervous!" Mac confided as Harm walked into her bedroom moments before their local guests were due to start arriving.  
  
He admired her new dress as she turned from the mirror in which she had been checking her appearance. She was stunning in a long, sleeveless dress of textured golden polyester that shimmered when she moved. He complemented her attire in a charcoal suit with an ivory dress shirt and a burgundy tie accented with gold pinstripes.  
  
Harm smiled gently as he approached her. "Relax, Mac. Everyone is coming spend time with their family and friends tonight. And that's what we're doing, too."  
  
"You make it sound so simple," she griped as she walked into his waiting hug.  
  
"It is that simple," he whispered as he kissed the top of her head. "It's cooking that's hard, and that's why my mother and Sergei are in charge of most of that."  
  
She was grateful that he was joking with her to take her mind off of the big night ahead. Rising to the challenge, she retorted, "Don't think I can handle cooking?"  
  
"I'm sure you can handle it, I just don't know if my stomach would be able to handle your cooking. or your fist." The last comment was added with a painful grunt after Mac's wordless reaction.  
  
The doorbell rang just then, so Mac sweetly suggested, "Why don't you go check on the food while I get the door?"  
  
She pushed him out the door playfully as he sang over his shoulder, "Yes, dear."  
  
When Mac descended to the foyer a minute later, Chloe had already opened the door to admit Bud and Harriet carrying their two well-bundled up boys and Midshipman Roberts carrying dishes of food to contribute to the banquet. As soon as the coats were out of sight, Mac bent down to give her a godson a big hug, then sent him off to help Chloe decorate the dining room table. Harriet wordlessly handed the colonel her youngest son before she could ask to hold him.  
  
Mac smiled as she cradled the cooing baby, and this was the sight that greeted Frank Burnett when arrived downstairs a few minutes later. Their eyes met, and he smiled at his future stepdaughter-in-law. The moment was interrupted by the doorbell, and rather than have Mac give up the baby to play hostess, he put a hand on her shoulder and moved to answer the door for her. Mac smiled gratefully before turning back to Bud and Harriet.  
  
"Mr. Burnett, it's good to see you again," Sturgis greeted his friend's stepfather with a proffered right hand while holding a covered pie dish in his left. He recognized him from a few chance sightings during his Academy days. "I don't know if you remember me."  
  
"Sturgis Turner, of course. And this must be your father..."  
  
At the same time that his stepfather was welcoming the Turners, Harm left the kitchen to find the house a lot fuller than it had been minutes earlier. He greeted his guests as he made his way across the room to Mac. She smiled as he slid one arm behind her and grabbed one of Jimmy's waving hands with the other.  
  
"You two are going to have such beautiful babies someday," Harriet gushed. Mac blushed and Harm beamed proudly. The complement set them off guard for what Harriet said next. "So now that you've got a house, are you going to set a date?"  
  
They were saved from answering when the doorbell rang again. Harm didn't have to turn around to see who it was before a loud voice bellowed, "Admiral on deck." All of the military officers present instinctively came to attention as AJ Chegwidden walked into the living room with his fiancé on his arm. "At ease, people. It's a holiday, after all."  
  
The chatter resumed as the newest guests joined in to mingle. Meredith handed Harm a bag with food to add to their feast, apologizing that it was store-bought. Apparently, Dammit had eaten (the admiral coughed suspiciously at this point) what she had prepared herself. With Harm diverted to take care of the food, Mac quickly handed Jimmy off to Meredith and retreated before Harriet could pull the conversation back to her question.  
  
A half hour later, Harm was once again checking on the final food preparations with his mother and Sergei when Petty Officer Coates burst into the kitchen, still wearing her scarf and coat.  
  
"Commander, I got the cranberry sauce!" she announced as she triumphantly held up a plastic grocery bag. "You wouldn't believe how hard it is to find this stuff on Thanksgiving day!"  
  
"We were beginning to wonder what had happened to you," he smiled, "and you're a guest in my home, so you can call me Harm."  
  
"Yes, sir," she said, not even noticing that she was still using military formality with him. She held out the bag to him. "I bought an apple pie and some whipped cream, too."  
  
"Why don't you put the pie in the fridge and join everyone else in the living room? Mom, you and Sergei can leave everything for a minute, right?"  
  
Finally, ten minutes later, sixteen people managed to squeeze into the living room. Harm and Mac stood at the entrance to the elaborately prepared formal dining room. He squeezed her hand, and smiling, nodded toward all of their guests. They were ready.  
  
"Mac and I would like to thank you all for coming out here to celebrate the first Thanksgiving in our new home," Harm spoke for both of them. "We all have a lot to be thankful for, especially the wonderful family and friends who are here with us tonight. Before we eat, I would like to invite Chaplain Turner to say a few words."  
  
The elderly chaplain slowly made his way to Harm and Mac at the front of the room. The couple moved to the side to allow him to take center stage.  
  
"Harm is right that the people closest to us in life are the ones we should be the most thankful for because they are blessings from God," the chaplain said as he stood in front of the crowd. "If you don't mind indulging me for a few minutes, I'd like to tell you all a story about not taking these blessings for granted."  
  
No one objected, so he settled into his storytelling mode. "One day back in May, I was finishing up my dinner when I got a phone call. An officer I'd known since he was pulling pranks back in the Academy needed my help. He didn't give me any details, other than I might need to perform a wedding that night," the elder Turner paused as he recounted the event. "Immediately, I thought back to the days of Vietnam, where men were scrambling to get married before they had to ship out. I didn't have all of the details, but I was worried that this panicked man had received orders to Iraq."  
  
He paused again before the tale resumed in a more lighthearted tone, "Two hours later, these two nervous adults show up on my doorstep. The first thing out of the man's mouth is 'We think it might be a good idea if we talked to you about what brought us here tonight.' Fortunately, he wasn't shipping out, but something had scared this man into thinking that he may not have the chance to marry this woman if it didn't happen that night."  
  
"It turns out that these two were trying to build a future together without putting the effort toward their relationship that it needed to remain intact," Chaplain Turner said pointedly as he looked at the faces of his audience. "This woman may have had a ring on her finger to remind them of a promise they had made to each other, but both had been living their own lives for so long that they didn't realize that a relationship can't be built independently from their partner, it must be done together."  
  
The chaplain smiled at that point, then shared the ending of his narrative. "I didn't perform a wedding ceremony that night, but these two came back to me a few times as they rearranged their priorities to make sure that they were on the right track toward the future they wanted. These weren't always pleasant meetings, but in the end, they found a way to work together. Back in September, I received a second phone call and a second request that I perform a wedding ceremony for these two."  
  
The room was silent as everyone waited expectantly for the conclusion of the story. Chaplain Turner surprised them all, save two, when he stood up straight and commanded, "Commander Rabb, Colonel MacKenzie, front and center."  
  
The two quickly responded to his order, standing at attention despite the fact that they were out of uniform. The chaplain smiled at the pair as they stood with their back to their guests, "At ease. I am honored to be here tonight as your friend, and I am even more honored that you entrusted me with sharing this secret with everyone here tonight. If you're both ready, we can begin."  
  
Some of their guests had had their suspicions during the chaplain's story, but it still took a moment for the reality of the situation to sink in as the smooth voice began, "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the sight of God."  
  
With the chaplain's help that day back in May, Harm and Mac had realized that they were both avoiding the marriage issue because neither thought that the other wanted a simple wedding, and neither was willing to broach the subject for fear of ruining what they had taken so long to achieve. Once the Paraguay issue brought them to their senses, they had started talking and, finally, planning. They mislead everyone to believe that they were buying a house together before setting a wedding date simply to take advantage of the low interest rates, and then they invited their closest friends to join their family for an elaborate Thanksgiving dinner. It was the way they chose to accomplish their objective with the least bit of fuss and a nice-sized element of surprise, and it worked perfectly.  
  
Harm and Mac smiled at each other as they joined hands with their friends, family, and God as their witnesses. They had both known the timing wasn't right when they first went to Chaplain Turner, but now they were both ready to take the next step.  
  
******  
  
Written November 25 - November 27, 2003 


	3. Chapter 3

Spoilers: A lot of the main points in "Hail and Farewell" have made their way into this AU. AN: Chapter one had a secret engagement. Chapter two was a surprise wedding. I wonder what chapter three could possibly be about? I had originally planned to finish this so that it would be taking place in real time (notice the dates from two years ago…), but that was wishful thinking. I do have an epilogue planned… I'll post it when I eventually get around to writing what I have planned out in my head.

Week 0: Friday, 28 May 2004 (Memorial Day weekend)

Falcon Crest Cabin

Luray, Virginia

"It's so peaceful out here," Mac sighed contentedly as she surveyed the land around the cabin Harm had rented for the long weekend.

He walked up behind her and slid his arms around her waist, savoring the feeling of having her there with him, uninterrupted for an entire weekend. At work, personal contact was out of the question, and it seemed like the time they had together outside of the office was becoming scarcer the longer they were married. The year wasn't quite halfway through, but their lives were significantly different from that time the year before, and not all for the better.

Soon after they were married, Admiral Chegwidden had called Harm and Mac into his office to discuss their career options. There was a need for a legal military advisor at the Pentagon, and the admiral told them that it was their decision who would take the position. Whenever the Pentagon didn't need their advisor, he or she would be on loan to JAG. Who would go was the topic of conversation at home (and in most of the office gossip) for almost a week. The two finally decided that Harm would be the one to be reassigned.

Harm's official transfer had taken effect the first of the year, but with the exception of a few days each month when Harm was called to the Pentagon, there wasn't much of a difference at JAG until the admiral retired. Everything seemed to be in a strange state of limbo at JAG while they waited for the admiral's replacement to be named.

However, their personal lives were causing more turmoil than their professional lives. Three days after Christmas, Mac received a call from Fort Leavenworth. Her uncle had suffered from a heart attack and passed away quietly during the night. Because of the extra work that was piling up while Sturgis was touring with his girlfriend, Varese, for the holidays, things were too busy at JAG for both of them to leave, so Mac had to endure her uncle's funeral alone. Despite their distance and how busy she was with her career, Mac and her uncle Matt had made sure to call or email each other on a regular basis. He was the only parental figure from her youth that had ever said he loved her and then gone the distance to prove it by his actions. The only thing that kept her going during that time of shock after his death was Harm. Her husband seemed to know just when she needed him most, and he would be there with a sympathetic hug or a few simple words of encouragement.

After that shock, Harm and Mac weren't prepared for the next upheaval in their lives. Mac had been having back pains since they'd been married, and Harm finally convinced her to go see a doctor. That's when they received the devastating news that Mac had endometriosis and might not be able to have children. She'd gone through surgery in March to have the scar tissue removed in order to improve their odds of conceiving naturally. Because of the whole ordeal, Mac had adopted a cynical outlook about their chances for a family. Harm tried to understand her intense desire to carry a child, but she wouldn't listen to suggestions about any other options. Harm knew that there was less than a four percent chance that they would have a baby the old fashioned way, and he wasn't ready to rule out the possibility of having children that weren't theirs biologically.

It was even harder to be supportive when he wasn't home much. A month after Mac's surgery, Harm's grandmother had fallen and broken her hip. As the closest family member by blood and distance, Harm was responsible for convincing Grandma Sarah that it was time to make the move to a retirement community so he wouldn't worry about her alone on the farm while she was recovering. He had flown back and forth to Pennsylvania quite a few weekends to help her pack and to make repairs to the old farmhouse so it was in good shape to be put up for rent. Mac spent the weekends working in order to forget about all of the unwelcome disruptions in hers and Harm's 'happily ever after.'

Both of them were becoming physically and emotionally drained from all of the personal baggage that was accumulating. Neither had the time nor the energy to focus their marriage, hence the reason for their Memorial Day weekend getaway. Harm had made sure to finalize arrangements for time off with the admiral before his retirement so that nothing could get in the way of his plans to be alone with his wife.

"I think this is just what we needed," Mac said, turning around. Noticing that her husband seemed to be a million miles away, she placed her hands on his chest and stood up on tip-toe to give him a kiss. "Thank you."

"It's thanks enough to see you happy," he replied softly, pushing away his thoughts of the events he'd come here to forget. He placed his hands over hers and leaned down to kiss her forehead. "Now, do you want to get our stuff into the cabin so we can go exploring? Or do you want to go exploring and worry about unpacking later?"

"Do we need our bags to explore that hot tub you were telling me about on the way here?" she asked mischievously as she led him by the hand to the door of the cabin.

"Nah," he grinned back, "but you do need a key to get in."

He pulled the cabin key out of his pocket and held it just out of her reach. Mac playfully reached for it, and he pulled back until it was above his head and she was on the verge of climbing on him to get it. With one of her hands still around the arm he was holding in the air, Mac used her other hand to pull his head down to hers. It didn't take long for Harm to lose himself in the kiss, and as soon as he relaxed his extended arm, she slid her hand up, grabbed the key, and left him standing with his mouth open and his pulse racing.

"Are you coming or not?" Mac asked innocently as she looked back at him after unlocking the door. With an impish grin, she tossed the key in front of her husband's feet and disappeared into their weekend hideaway.

Week 7: Friday, 23 July 2004

Rabb Residence

Dunn Loring, Virginia

After returning from Memorial Day weekend, it didn't take long for Harm and Mac to realize how many strings their former CO must have pulled in order to keep Harm at JAG most of the time. General Creswell became the first Marine JAG, and he did not share Chegwidden's unspoken desire to keep the team of Harm and Mac together as much as possible. Meetings at the Pentagon filled up Harm's calendar so that he spent only a few days at JAG at a time. On most days, the only time Harm and Mac were able to spend together alone was while they were getting ready in the morning and right before bed. When they did have a few rare moments, he would listen to Mac as she kept him up-to-date on everything he was missing at JAG. He would have loved to talk to his wife about his other job, but that would have defeated the purpose of the 'top secret' sessions.

This particular morning, Harm was returning from a series of meetings that had made it to day fifteen, making it the longest he'd been away from JAG so far. It was also the most exhausting because he'd been working late nights for the past week in the hope that they would wrap up their business soon.

The luminescent clock on the microwave read 1:04 as he dragged himself into the silent house. His sleep-deprived mind went on auto-pilot as he felt his way up the stairs in the dark. All he wanted was to do was fall into bed and sleep until Monday morning.

Harm reached for the doorknob to the master bedroom and was surprised when it wouldn't turn. He tried again before his mind registered that it was locked. Consternated, he stared at the door, trying to figure out what to do, but his foggy brain would not cooperate.

Glancing back toward the staircase he'd just climbed, the faint glow of a hallway nightlight illuminated the edge of his sea bag. It had been left in front of the door to the guest room. Without giving the locked door a second thought, he trudged into the guest room, kicking his bag out of the way. Stripping down to his t-shirt and boxers, he crawled under the bedcovers and was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

At some point, Mac had come into the room and shook him awake. Without opening his eyes, he mumbled that he had the day off and pulled the covers over his head as he turned his back to her. He was so tired that he didn't even remember that she had been in the room when he came to full consciousness later that afternoon.

With the benefit of a good-night's sleep, Harm finally registered that he'd been kicked out of his bedroom the night before, and he had absolutely no clue what he'd done to warrant being locked out. He looked at his watch, which he hadn't bothered to take off the night before. He had four hours until his wife should be home. That meant he had four hours to figure out what he'd done wrong.

Almost five hours later, Mac walked into the kitchen where Harm was standing at the island, chopping vegetables for dinner. He stopped his preparations and looked at his wife for any visual clues to why she had avoided him the night before. The only thing he had come up with the entire afternoon was that he had missed dinner last night; Mac had left a voice mail asking him to make it home early enough for them to go out. Though she hadn't mentioned any special reason for dining out, he had racked his brain for any sort of birthday or anniversary that he had missed and came up empty.

Avoiding Harm's questioning gaze for the moment, Mac sighed as she dropped her briefcase and purse on a barstool. She slowly approached her husband and stopped when she reached the opposite side of the island.

"I'm sorry about last night," she said quietly to the countertop. "I was upset, and you weren't there, and I just… sort of overreacted."

Harm wasn't sure whether or not she was ready for him to enter into her personal space, so instead of taking her in his arms like he wanted to, he simply set down the knife and wiped his hands on a towel. "I'm here now. Do you want to talk about it?"

She finally looked up at him, but he couldn't quite get a fix on her expression—there was a strange mixture of guilt over the night before, along with fear and uncertainty about something else. "I went to see the doctor yesterday."

Warning bells immediately went off in Harm's head, as he replied, "Are you okay?" Nightmarish scenarios from their doctor's visits earlier that year were already filling his head.

"I'm fine, but…" she started to reply as Harm walked around the counter so that he could reach out and touch his wife to see for himself that she was fine.

"But?" Harm prompted as he ran his hands down her arms and entwined his fingers with hers.

"I thought something was wrong. Really wrong," she told him, biting her lip and focusing on a point over his shoulder. "I was over a month late… actually, almost two months… I didn't even realize it because everything has been so hectic… I didn't want to worry you, especially since you've been working such crazy hours… I thought it was just something else wrong with me… I made a doctor's appointment hoping that it was something minor that could be taken care of with medication or maybe minor outpatient surgery… I would just tell you about it all later…"

Harm couldn't stand her babbling anymore. "What's wrong?" he interrupted, steeling himself for the worst.

It was when she focused back on his face that Harm noticed that her expression may have been apprehensive, but there was also hope. She smiled and simply said, "We're pregnant."

Harm temporarily lost the power of speech as his mouth moved, but no words came out. Finally he managed to form one coherent word as he started to grin: "Really?"

Mac's smile spread even wider as she shook her head affirmatively. Harm let out a whoop of joy, then grabbed his wife and kissed her. Pulling back, he asked, "The cabin?"

She gave him a mischievous grin as she told him, "Most likely—I'm about 6 weeks along."

He couldn't help but kiss her again, but then he remembered something. "Okay, if this is such good news, then why were you upset enough to lock me out of our bedroom?"

Mac cringed and gave him a sheepish look. "I think I overreacted. I was upset, and I needed to talk to you, and you never came home."

"Was this just because I wasn't here for dinner? Because if you want to go out to celebrate, I can put everything away and make dinner tomorrow instead."

She placed a hand on his chest, looking up with an appreciative smile, "No, eating in is fine. And I wasn't really upset about the dinner, just your absence. I took a half day at work to go to the doctor, and after my appointment yesterday afternoon, I had nothing to do but research online and get myself worked up about everything that could possibly go wrong with this pregnancy because of my age and because of my endometriosis."

"I'm here now. Talk to me. I need to know what we're facing."

"Well, women with endometriosis are likelier to have an ectopic pregnancy." At Harm's blank look, she explained, "The baby grows inside the fallopian tube, and not inside the uterus. I'm scheduled for an ultrasound tomorrow morning, and I'll find out if this is even an issue."

"And if it is?"

Mac's eyes grew watery before she looked away. "A baby can't grow outside of the uterus, Harm."

He embraced her reassuringly, running his hand over her hair as she rested her head on his shoulder. He heard her sniffle, and told her soothingly, "I'm sure everything is fine."

"I know, but if it's not…," she sucked in a ragged breath, "I want this baby so badly. Even if it's not an ectopic pregnancy, I'm still at high risk for miscarriage. And if I can carry to term, there may be birth defects…"

"Shh…" Harm shushed her by pulling her away from him and placing a finger over her lips to still them. "Listen to me, Mac. You and I prayed and prayed for a chance to be parents, despite the odds of us actually conceiving. God saw fit to bless us with this life for however long or short a time it may be. If there are obstacles we have to face down the line because we wanted this baby so much, we'll deal with them as they come. We're in this together, starting tomorrow at the ultrasound."

Week 19: Wednesday, 13 October 2004

Inova Fairfax Hospital

Falls Church, Virginia

The trees that Mac passed in the hospital parking lot were just turning shades of yellow and orange, a visual reminder that autumn was upon them. Walking briskly toward the hospital building, Mac was extremely self-conscious of the maternity uniform she was wearing for the first time. With the changing of the seasons and uniforms from summer to winter, she figured she might as well make the inevitable switch to the roomier maternity uniform to accommodate her expanding figure.

After the doctor had confirmed that her pregnancy appeared to be normal, she and Harm had breathed a sigh of relief at the completion of their first hurdle. The second hurdle had given them another scare—they had opted to have Chorionic Villus Sampling done at 10 weeks to rule out chromosomal birth defects and some genetic problems, but had received inconclusive results. Mac had been a hormonal wreck while waiting until she was far enough along for further tests, then waiting another few weeks for the results of the amniocentisis.

And as Harm had been telling her all along, everything was fine.

Actually, everything was better than fine. While doing an ultrasound to find an insertion point for the needle to perform the amniocentisis, the doctor had offered to tell them the sex of the baby. Harm and Mac had been debating whether or not they wanted to be surprised at delivery, but sitting in the exam room, looking at the grainy image of their child on the television screen, they couldn't contain their curiosity.

Two weeks after receiving the test results showing that their son was healthy, Mac was signing in for a check-up. The OB/GYN's office was unusually crowded that afternoon, but she finally spotted an empty chair in a corner and made her way through the maze of institutional upholstering to claim it.

"Anyone sitting here?" she asked the petite blond woman next to the chair in question.

"You are, especially since you're still able to get in and out of it without assistance," the woman joked, patting her extremely rounded belly to emphasize her point. "How far along are you, if you don't mind my asking?"

"Almost twenty weeks. You?"

"Only 28, but it feels like it should be 38—I'm carrying twins."

"I have friends who are expecting twins, probably around the same time as you. She's had some rough pregnancies, but fortunately she's having a relatively easy go this time around."

"This is my second pregnancy, and it's been a cake walk compared to my first. Honestly, the hardest part so far has been coming up with twice the number of names, especially since neither my husband nor I want to find out the sex of the babies!"

"You haven't been able to agree on anything yet?"

"Well, we're both teachers, so if he likes a name, I probably didn't get along with a student with that name and vice versa. So far, Grace is the only name that we both have no objection to."

"Oh!" Mac exclaimed, rubbing a spot on her stomach. "I think my little one likes it, too, because he just tried to kick a field goal through my stomach."

"You're having a boy?"

"Yes," Mac beamed, "Matthew O'Hara Rabb."

"Is O'Hara a family name, or are you a 'Gone With the Wind' fan?"

"Family name. My Uncle Matt passed away last winter." Mac stroked the spot that his namesake was elbowing with a sad smile. "He's the person I credit with doing the most to make me the person I am today. I'm assuming this guy," she patted her stomach, "likes 'Grace' because his Great-Uncle Matt loved the song 'Amazing Grace.'"

"It is a beautiful song. And I'm sorry about your uncle," the lady replied sincerely.

"Thank you. My husband actually suggested that we name our son after Uncle Matt. I was so surprised—I though he would want Harmon III."

"Harmon—now that's not a very common name."

"Well, Harm isn't a very common man," Mac replied, the edges of her mouth twitching into a wry smile.

"I'll have to remember to mention that name to my husband. He might like it. By the way, I'm Emily."

"Sarah. And if you need another extremely uncommon male name, we've got a friend named Sturgis."

"You mean kind of like the fish?" the other woman gave her a quizzical look.

Mac laughed. "I guess so. I never thought of it that way."

"I think I just heard the nurse call my name, so if I can get out of this chair, I'll be on my way. It was nice talking to you, Sarah."

"Likewise. And for your children's sake, I hope you have girls."

Week 26: Saturday, 27 November 2004

Tutto Bene's Italian Restaurant

Arlington, Virginia

"Harm, I've been thinking," Mac said to restart conversation after the waiter had taken up their empty plates.

"Am I going to like it?" Harm asked hesitantly, noticing that she was looking at her water glass rather than at him.

"I hope so," she looked up at him. "I'm going to resign my commission so that you can come back to JAG."

Harm simply stared at her for a full minute as the meaning of her words sunk in. She reached across the table for his hand and slid her fingers between his. She felt his wedding band between her fingers as her palm met his and gave his hand a squeeze before presenting the logic behind the offer she had just made.

"We've always known that for us to be together, one of us would have to give up JAG. We've been living on borrowed time so far, thanks to Admiral Chegwidden, but things can't work like this forever."

"Mac," he began his rebuttal, "I know what you're saying, but maybe there's some way we can work this out so we can both have our careers. I don't mind the dual role I've been playing so much…"

"Harm, just think about it: You miss JAG—don't try to deny it. I miss having my husband at home every evening for dinner and next to me every morning when I wake up. Having you back at JAG would make both of us happy."

"If you want me working a regular 9 to 5 job, I'll resign and find a civilian position."

"And you would hate every minute of it," she shook her head with a smile appreciative of what he would give up for her.

"It wouldn't be the same at JAG without you there."

"How do you think I feel every time you have to report to the Pentagon?" Mac countered with an understanding look. "I know that you would do anything for me, but the truth is that my career isn't my number one priority any more. I'm a wife and soon to be a mother. My family is my new priority."

Harm saw the look of motherly pride already present in her eyes as her free hand unconsciously stroked her abdomen. He shouldn't have had to ask, but he wanted to make certain that she was positive about her choice: "Are you sure about this?"

She looked straight at him as she vocalized the argument she had prepared specifically for this conversation. "We beat the odds to get pregnant. Who knows if we'll be that lucky ever again. I want to be there to experience all of our son's firsts—his first tooth, his first step, his first word, his first day of school… Being a full-time mother and raising our child to be a good person is the best possible thing I could ever do with my life."

"I am the luckiest man alive. You are such an amazing person, Sarah," Harm said in awe. Mac looked down, blushing at his unabashed praise.

He reached out to lift her chin with a finger and brushed her lips with his thumb. "I love you so much." Leaning across the table, his kissed her then drew back slightly to say, "I will support whatever decision you make, as long as it makes you happy."

"Happy anniversary, Harm," she closed the gap between them again.

He rested his forehead against hers after the last kiss and whispered huskily, "What do you say we pay our bill and get out of here?"

Her only response was to kiss him once more before she pulled back to gather her purse and coat, smiling mischievously the entire time.

Harm watched her stand and look at him expectantly, making a show of crossing her arms and tapping her foot impatiently.

A grin was plastered across his face as he got the waiter's attention. Handing the young man a few bills and telling him to keep the change, Harm grabbed his own coat and followed his wife out of the restaurant.

Week 38: Saturday, 19 February 2005

Patuxent River NAS

Patuxent River, Maryland

Harm exited the Navy sedan he'd been issued to run down to Pax River for a last-minute interview that could wipe out the defense's argument and secure a victory on the latest high-profile case he'd been assigned. His cell phone rang as he was walking toward the building. Checking the caller ID, he brought the phone up to his ear with a smile. "Hey, I was going to call you as soon as I checked in with the CO here."

"How quickly can you get back here?" Mac replied anxiously.

Harm stopped mid-stride on the stairs to the main entrance. "Are you…?"

"I'm in labor. I've called Dr. Miller, and I'm on my way out the door right now."

Harm held the phone to his ear with his shoulder as he opened the door to the building with one hand and removed his cover with the other. "Mac, are you sure this time? You were fine when I left."

"You know what they say—the third time's the charm. I was actually in labor when you left, but ignored the signs because I figured it was just false labor again. I wasn't fully convinced until my water broke."

"The baby's really coming?" Harm asked in awe, a goofy grin spreading across his face. A passing seaman gave him a funny look, but Harm didn't notice.

"I sure hope so," Mac replied through clenched teeth as another contraction hit. She braced her free arm against the new family-friendly sedan that she had sacrificed her Corvette to buy. Sucking in her breath, she let it out slowly before refocusing on the voice calling to her through the earpiece of her cell phone.

"Mac?" Harm asked, concerned about the pain he heard in her voice. "Mac? Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she exhaled deeply, taking another deep breath and replying tightly, "This can't be your son, though. You never get anywhere on time, and he's trying to make his entrance a few days early."

"Why don't you call Bud to drive you to the hospital?" Harm suggested, ignoring her jab at his punctuality or lack thereof. "I don't want you driving if you're in too much pain."

"Harm," Mac replied, smiling at his concern now that the contraction had passed. "I'll be fine. I'm a Marine. I can handle a little pain."

"Don't use that 'I'm a Marine' line for this, Mac," he replied seriously. "I don't want you to unintentionally put yourself or Matthew in danger in case you have another contraction on the way to the hospital."

"I promise that if I feel a contraction starting, I'll pull off the road. And if it gets too bad, I'll call someone. I'm in labor, Harm, I'm not stupid."

Harm sighed in defeat. Mac was stubborn and would do whatever she wanted to whether he liked it or not. "Just be careful."

"I will, but you need to promise you'll be careful, too. You have a longer trip to the hospital, and I know you'll try to break some sort of record trying to get here. I'd rather you get here late than not arrive at all. Or with multiple speeding tickets."

"I'll be there, and I promise to be as careful as if I were flying a Tomcat."

Mac smiled as she slid into the driver's seat of her car. "I'd better go. The doctor is expecting me."

"Call when you get to the hospital."

"I will."

"I love both of you."

"We love you, too, Dad."

As soon as Mac had disconnected, Harm sprinted down the hall. The sooner he reported in and explained his situation, the sooner he could get back on the road so he could arrive in time to welcome his son into the world.

Week 38: Sunday, 20 February 2005

Inova Fairfax Hospital

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm had the biggest grin on his face as he walked out to the waiting room to tell his friends and family the good news. His step-father saw him first and nudged his wife. Harm's mother was immediately on her feet to meet her son with a hug and "Congratulations!"

"Born at 6:32 am this morning, eight pounds, five ounces, 22 ½ inches long, 10 perfect little fingers and 10 perfect little toes," Harm beamed as he shook Frank's hand. Retired Admiral AJ Chegwidden was there for the big event, and Bud had stopped by with his three sons to see if there was any news.

"They're getting Mac settled into a room right now. You should be able to come meet the newest Rabb in a few minutes," Harm told them proudly.

Ten minutes later, Harm led his parents through the corridors and pushed open the door to a private room. AJ and Bud decided to give the family some time together before they came to see the baby. Mac was on the bed, looking exhausted, but glowing with the pride of a new mother with her baby nestled in her arms.

Trish sniffed as a few tears escaped at her first glimpse of her grandchild. "He's beautiful," she whispered, tenderly stroking a tiny fist, "but did they run out of blue blankets?"

"Not exactly," Mac replied, glancing quizzically at her husband. "You didn't tell them?"

"I wanted you all to be as surprised as Mac and I were when the doctor told us we had a girl," Harm explained, never taking his eyes off of the sleeping infant he and Mac had created. "There's less than a five percent chance of giving birth to a girl when told you're having a boy, but we beat worse odds to have this miracle in the first place."

Mac added her opinion to that of her husband. "It may not be the son we had prepared for, but she's strong and healthy, and that's all that really matters."

"Amen to that," Frank added, smiling as the little girl yawned, oblivious that she was the center of attention. "So do you have a name picked out for this little lady?"

"Harm and I still think that she should be named after my uncle," Mac answered. "Instead of Matthew, she will be Mathilda."

"Or Mattie for short," Harm chimed in.

"And for a middle name, we chose 'Grace' since Uncle Matt's favorite song was 'Amazing Grace,'" the new mother explained.

"Well, welcome to our family, Mathilda Grace Rabb," Trish whispered as she leaned over her granddaughter. "We love you, darling."

Written January 10, 2005 – June 20, 2006


End file.
